The First Spin Doctors Must Have Been Real Estate Agents.

Still haven't found a home. Still looking.

I've found that looking at my newspaper's ads online is much more user friendly than getting out the hard copy. No more black fingers. No more cats sitting on the listings. It has a great search filter, and updates daily so I'm not calling on houses that have been rented already.

Craigslist has proved to be a great resource as well - full of ads from people who couldn't be bothered with a real ad. I'm still looking for moving boxes over there in the Free category, they pop up pretty regularly.

I'm also able to check the classifieds for three different small town local papers, which update on Wednesday. I'm getting quite OCD about checking all these sites every day! Sometimes in the morning AND the evening!

The World Wide Web is Working for Me!

However, this recent foray into the real estate market has made me aware of the secret lingo landlords and agents possess, trying to pull the wool over innocent, newpaper-ad reading desperate potential clients, in a 1984 style Doublethink and Newspeak.

Handy Advertisement Translation:

Cute = small
Cottage = small
Cozy = really small
Country Living = Road not paved
Peaceful getaway = Road not paved, better own a 4x4 because not even the mailman ventures here.
Bonus room = You can no longer park your car in the garage, it's been carpeted.
Handyman's dream = Home Depot will own your firstborn if you purchase this house.
Gardener's delight = weeds
Country = paneled. And perhaps, small, if it is a country cottage.
As is = Get an inspection before any money changes hands. Then renegotiate.
Manufactured home = trailer
Pre-owned = trailer
Gently used = trailer (Yes, this was in a MLS description, and modified the noun "home"!)
Bricked in = trailer
Washer and Dryer will convey = They are Harvest Gold and older than you are
Starter home = We're back to small again!

My favorite ad so far? The one that breathlessly exclaimed, "Next to Swamp Sanctuary!" - that's right folks, apparently in South Carolina, living next door to Mr. and Mrs. Gator in Mosquito Central is a selling point!

**** UPDATED TO ADD ****
Some agents are a little too honest. I came across this description today:
"You won't be embarrassed to live here".

Now if that's not a stunning, compelling reason to buy, I don't know what is!

Labels: Family Life, Rants and Raves, Works For Me Wednesday